AWARE
A multimodal project
Lights, camera, action. LA is the world’s hub for entertainment. People flock here for an opportunity to make it big on screen. Fame and fortune are behind the eyes of most SoCal transplants, many work tirelessly to follow their dreams and prove their parents wrong back home. Some however, are working tirelessly to put food on the table and to make rent. Many starving artists work multiple jobs just to survive, and are scrambling to find work in their performance industry. When these dreamers do eventually find work, they try their hardest to keep pushing through, even though the hours and the treatment may be inhumane. The constant workload, multitasking at every moment, little time to stop and rest, causes these performers to be in a state of brainwashed exhaustion. They don’t have a moment to sit and realize that things are not how they should be, and their workload and treatment are not normal or excusable.
In this fictional story, we follow Lily, a dancer who has moved to LA to pursue her dreams of becoming a professional dancer on screen. She works three jobs, one in retail, one as a waitress, and lastly, one where performs in various music videos for small artists with emerging new music. This is a job that she’s been doing for about a year now. If she’s not working, she’s not working, she’s dancing. She is in a constant state of doing, never having a chance to empty her mind of all of the stressors of her day to day life. She pushes and pushes herself to the limits without batting an eye. Until one day, she breaks down. Out of nowhere, her body gives out. At that moment, she is forced to take her first breather in a year. While she breathes, her thoughts clear. It opens her mind and brings to light things that she previously was ignoring because of the fact that she never stopped moving and had time to think.
After reading this story, I hope you find time in your own life to clear your mind and look at your life from a different lens, because you might not be aware of the fact that you’re hurting yourself more than you’re helping yourself.
one
On another grueling day at work, Lily got yelled at by a total of 5 customers, 6 if you include a 9 year old looking for a hat that happened to be sold out. The verbal abuse she faces from customers is something that everyone kept insisting that she’d get used to, but it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier as the months go by. Recently, it feels like she’s been crumbling under the weight of her financial expenses, and can’t seem to stay afloat. She’s struggling to find food to eat that both fits within her budget, and is also nourishing her body. Everyday she feels more and more exhausted.
two
Lily has been working for this director for the past year, filming various music videos for indie artists. She’s telling herself it's a way for her to keep pursuing her dream of being a professional dancer. She doesn’t realize this, but it’s been taking a bigger toll on her body and her mind than she knows. Nevertheless, a check is a check, so after work, she heads to set. One her way there, she is fighting to keep her eyes open as she’s running on 4 hours of sleep and an energy drink. In her head, she goes over the choreography. Over and over and over and over.
three
As usual, the moment Lily walks into the set, she’s rushed into hair and makeup, where they urge her to put her costume on quickly, and head out onto the set. The lights blind her as she's thrown into the studio. The production assistant gives her a quick hello and asks her if she needs anything. Before she can say anything, he gets rung on his walkie and excuses himself. She brushes it off, it’s fine, this is work. This is necessary. Plus, many sets are understaffed. She knows how hard the crew works. The director yells onto the the stage,
“You know the choreography, let's take it from the top!” The music begins to blast,
“Action!”
Four
It's been hours, Lily has been stuck on the same jump for multiple takes. She just can’t get it right. Her technique is suffering from the exhaustion that she is experiencing. She could’ve done this jump perfectly last year. What’s going on? The director demands she repeat her jump over and over and over. She begins to feel dizzy, but she has to keep going. She can’t lose this job, in the back of her head she knows that she needs to keep dancing, it’s fine. It’s ok, this is just how people have to work these days. She needs this gig, she needs the money, she needs to pay her rent, she needs to feed herself, she needs to-
five
The world has gone dark. Her mind is spinning, where even is she? Did she pay last month’s rent? Her legs hurt, they feel like they’re asleep. Maybe she’ll just stay here.
​
She feels a tap on her shoulder. Her eyes squeeze open. It’s the production assistant. The director is standing by his chair whispering with the cinematographer. Lily says she’s ok, brushes herself off and stands up. Immediately after standing, her exhaustion hits her like a pound of bricks. As much as she wants to, and feels that she needs to keep dancing, her body has given out. She excuses herself and stumbles to the bathroom.
six
In the bathroom, she holds the sink. She is attempting to keep herself from ending up back in the ground. She sips water from the sink and closes her eyes. Her mind is running with all of the stressors in her life. Every late payment, every hour she should’ve slept, all coming back to her. She begins to breathe heavily, overwhelmed and exhausted. She knows this panic attack isn’t sustainable nor productive, so she needs to get her head back on straight. Her breathing slows, she sits on the floor and begins breathing. She counts her breaths, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8…Her head clears.
seven
Something happens. Instead of trying to pick herself back up and get back to work, the piles and piles of things and things in her head leave her. Her rent payment fades away, the choreography stops replaying. Something in her mind clicks. A realization.
eight
When Lily stopped for a moment, for once in months, she came to realize that this is not normal. She’s been telling herself over and over that this is fine. She’s been pushing away the thoughts of exhaustion, the feeling that her body is failing. She’s been piling work onto herself and it distracted her from a vital thought. This is not normal. She hasn’t had a second to herself to think about what she’s actually experiencing. She hasn’t had a moment to listen to her body and to hear that it’s calling for help.
nine
She forces herself to stand. She knows there is something that she needs to do. Leaving the bathroom, she makes the decision to speak to the director. Not to the production assistant, not to the 2nd assistant director, but directly to the director. This may be the scariest moment of her life.
ten
After trying to flag down the director multiple times, she finally gets to take him aside. She explains to him that she has realized that she is under too much pressure to work two jobs and be on a set with negative and toxic energy. Mustering up as much as she can, she tells him that he must stop treating his performers and crew with disregard, as many of them are stuck in a cycle of constant work, and the lack of attention and support contributes to the burnout they face on set. The director, surprisingly, doesn’t get defensive. He pauses for a moment, and realizes that he too has been in situations similar to Lily’s, when he was at the bottom of the ladder. He explains to Lily that his non-stop workload has also caused him to lose sight of who he is, and he apologizes for how he’s made her feel on set.
